Today my 92-year-old friend and mentor called me. I hardly recognized his voice, it was so barely audible. “I’m becoming weaker every day,” he said. “It’s happening very fast.”
We spoke for only a few minutes. He was returning a call I’d placed before Christmas, and he was apologetic it had taken him so long to get back to me. I had wanted to ask his advice about something, but I decided not to burden him today. He was too weak and tired to discuss anything.
Something about the call told me that now is the time the baton was being passed. The time is now past when I might turn to him for wisdom and strength. From now on it is I who must be wise and strong. He has imparted to me all he has to give. I am the old man now.
As adult children, we grieve every decrease in our parents’ functioning. This man was not my father, but he has filled that role for me for more than 25 years since we met on a mountaintop in Switzerland.
A wise man once said that all the art of living lies in a fine balancing of letting go and holding on. Some think that holding on is a mark of strength; but sometimes the strength is in letting go. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are some things that can no longer be. I will always hold on to what my mentor has taught me.
I think of the strength of bamboo in the wind. The bamboo doesn’t try to stand up straight and erect. A tree or branch that tries too hard to stand up straight is the one that breaks off. The bamboo allows itself to bend and be blown with the wind. It knows the strength of letting go.
۞
Groove of the Day
Listen to George Harrison performing “All Things Must Pass”
Your friend is passing the torch, Dan. Take it and let him see you hold it high!
There are those whose influence defines our lives, and we are most fortunate if we can recognize their gift and share our appreciation while they are still among us. We’ve talked of my mentors before, Dan, those who saved me from whatever fate awaited, to live a good life of some achievement. Some, I was able to thank in person, but for others, time took them before I could show them what a difference they had made in the life of one child, one young man. Now I find myself in the role of mentor, Dan, inspired by people like you and them. Now I am the one hoping that my young proteges recognize my message, and take strength from the words I offer them . . . hoping they seize the opportunity to change their young lives. I may never know the outcome, but I know from my own experiences, that I can make a difference in their lives. I’d like to share something from a letter that I coincidentally wrote to one of our young friends, just this evening:
“Remember my mentor, Mr. X? I couldn’t really express my gratitude to him when I was young, mostly because I didn’t really understand the impact he had on my life until much later, but after we talked, I remember feeling better about myself, better about my life and the opportunities which still lay ahead for me. I took what he said at face value, and I knew that things could change for me, that things had to change, that I could be something more, that I could be someone better. He gave me hope, X, and sometimes, hope is all we need to get us through even our darkest days. I told you in my first letter, nearly a year ago, that I was writing to you to share that message of love and forgiveness . . . a message of hope and a vision for a good future. Calm your fears, X, be confident in yourself, your inner strength, your beliefs, your goals, and the support of those who care about you.”
Saving one child may not save the world . . . but surely, for that one child, life will change forever. – Unknown
Thinking of you and your friend Dan – keep strong and whilst “the baton passes”, we must all go forward to help and encourage those for whom we have put up our hands. Will talk to you by E-mail soon, but am still trying to get my head around the situations a couple of our “charges” have found themselves in. Best wishes, £ance.