I have it on reliable authority that The Gimp has been singing a familiar old song lately: “He’s makin’ a list, Checkin’ it twice, Gonna find out who’s naughty ‘n’ nice.”
“Oh yeah? What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“If Stephen doesn’t pay you back the money he stole—all of it—and do so by Christmas, The Gimp is going to pay him another visit.”
“Whoa,” I said, “that can’t be good.”
“No, it isn’t. The Gimp is really angry with Stephen about some things he’s been saying about you to his friends on the phone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Stephen likes reading your blog posts to his friends. When he read your ‘Angel’ post and got to the line, ‘Oh boy! I’m a prophet!,’ he scoffed and said: ‘Yeah, but I know how to make a profit.’
“The Gimp didn’t like that. He said it would be better if Stephen were showing some remorse about what he’s done to the kids. He said Stephen needs to learn the meaning of remorse.”
“C’mon, how does The Gimp even know if that’s so? Has he got Stephen’s phones tapped?”
“I dunno about that. All The Gimp has told me is that when Stephen’s windows are open, you can hear him talking way over in the next county. The Gimp says Stephen’s behavior is ‘brazen’.”
“I suppose if I write about this, Stephen will be looking in the trees and bushes around his place for the listening device.”
“It won’t make any difference. Stephen will never find them. The Gimp knows everything Stephen does. Stephen might as well already be in a prison cell.”
So I suppose Stephen should be remembering the rest of the words to that song:
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!
I guess Stephen Sydebotham had better make good on his statement to the Homeland Security agent and pay back the stolen money, or he’ll be seeing Santa’s helper when he least expects it.
۞
Groove of the Day
Listen to Joel Brown performing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
Interesting info Dan, but is “The Gimp” and his (proposed) actions going to do you (and us by association) good? I (and The Gang) are a bit concerned that his well-meaning activities may do us more harm than good, although like you I must admit to being a bit chuffed vicariously to see someone get their “just deserts”. We are still with you mate. Cheers. £ance.
If the local sheriff were willing to enforce the law, I would not be amused by The Gimp’s activism. But if the authorities refuse to do what’s right, why should I discourage someone who does stand up for what is right?
I am not directing The Gimp’s volunteerism but merely observing it. At least someone has a close eye on Sydebotham and his activities and is in a position to alert us if those activities are unlawful and a danger to the welfare of kids. That is more than the sheriff is doing.
(Derelict and corrupt public officials ought not to think that they can do whatever they like with impunity.)
The Gimp wanted me to warn Stephen that he must return what he has stolen by the deadline or there will be serious consequences. At this point it is Stephen’s free choice. He has apparently met The Gimp and is able to make an informed decision.
What could be more straightforward, honest, considerate, or fair?