“Oh yeah? What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“If Stephen doesn’t pay you back the money he stole—all of it—and do so by Christmas, The Gimp is going to pay him another visit.”
“Whoa,” I said, “that can’t be good.”
“No, it isn’t. The Gimp is really angry with Stephen about some things he’s been saying about you to his friends on the phone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Stephen likes reading your blog posts to his friends. When he read your ‘Angel’ post and got to the line, ‘Oh boy! I’m a prophet!,’ he scoffed and said: ‘Yeah, but I know how to make a profit.’
“The Gimp didn’t like that. He said it would be better if Stephen were showing some remorse about what he’s done to the kids. He said Stephen needs to learn the meaning of remorse.”
“C’mon, how does The Gimp even know if that’s so? Has he got Stephen’s phones tapped?”
“I dunno about that. All The Gimp has told me is that when Stephen’s windows are open, you can hear him talking way over in the next county. The Gimp says Stephen’s behavior is ‘brazen’.”
“I suppose if I write about this, Stephen will be looking in the trees and bushes around his place for the listening device.”
“It won’t make any difference. Stephen will never find them. The Gimp knows everything Stephen does. Stephen might as well already be in a prison cell.”
So I suppose Stephen should be remembering the rest of the words to that song:
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!
I guess Stephen Sydebotham had better make good on his statement to the Homeland Security agent and pay back the stolen money, or he’ll be seeing Santa’s helper when he least expects it.
Groove of the Day