Archive for April 5th, 2016

05
Apr
16

pinch me, is this real?

pinch-me-300x225.

I wrote yesterday’s post when I thought that Alex and Lone Heron would arrive here sometime late yesterday, but they came a day early. This post was a sum-up of what I believe, of what has motivated me over the last years. But the post also bought me another day to ascertain whether what I think I know now is real.

I think it very possibly is.

As it turns out, it is a good thing that Alex and Lone Heron shared the drive from Atlanta to Estrella Vista. When they began their journey together, Alex was returning to Estrella Vista—but he didn’t know why or for how long. The way they tell it, he got into the car, Alex tried to feed Lone Heron a line of bullshit, she called him on it (as only another parricide can), and by the time they got here, Alex was prepared to stay indefinitely and make a go of it. In other words, Alex has returned to help me build the vision.

He lost his luggage, even his phone. He arrived sort of like a newborn babe, all pretensions of the past gone. He has returned with a new change of clothes provided by Lone Heron, ready to make a new start, having been midwifed by a woman—a fellow parricide—who has successfully made a self-sufficient life for herself. It’s like something straight out of a Hollywood fantasy of how redemption should happen.

I’ll admit that I am hungry for vindication, eager to believe. I have no illusions that Alex may tire of the small successes, the months of want, the long weeks and months when only hope sustains action. Yet I am willing to risk that this is real.

۞

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Yes It’s Real

Hello and Thank You Dan Dailey!

by Lone Heron
After many years communicating with Dan via telephone and Internet, I have finally met him in person.  After picking up Alex King in Atlanta GA, we made our way 1,100 miles to Estrella Vista.  It was a long jeep ride with me, Alex, and my 95 lb. dog Bruce. In fact, it was the longest car trip I have ever taken. Remarkably, time passed quickly and it seemed like 3 or 4 hours in the car as opposed to 24.
I have heard when time passes quickly it is a sign you are right where you are supposed to be and in flow with the universe, so I can only figure this trip was fated many moons before it occurred.
I have been hearing about Alex from Dan over the past several years and had a bucketful of curiosity and a long list of questions. I have long wished to meet another parricide. I have long wondered if the experience others had was like the experience I had with my parents. It seems the commonalities are too long to list! Although the details are vastly different, the results that lead to a shattered child fighting back are really not so different, and the aftermath and process of recovery are eerily familiar and redundant.
My recovery from my childhood I think may never end, but the pain, confusion, guilt and nightmares seem to have found an exit and moved on for me. Alex, however, is still battling with those demons, but I am completely convinced the universe has provided him with the tools he needs to win his personal war as I did and become a powerful contributor to others who fall into the confused bad-parent parricide trap.
Alex is amazingly intelligent but emotionally raw and still influenced heavily by the flight or fight response that I believe is the double edge sword that every parricide must overcome.
The fight or flight response is overwhelming and I believe this, along with anger and the fear anger hides, are the most important pieces that must be reigned in and balanced in order for parricides to win the battle they face. But they can’t do that until they identify it.
Identification seems to be the hardest part from my perspective. Seeing yourself seems difficult for everyone, even those who have been blessed with good parents, but I think it is more difficult for parricides because it seems every case I’ve learned about has all had experiences where someone has installed the message they are pieces of shit that won’t ever contribute or amount to anything worth a damn. It’s hard to see your potential for greatness when everyone around you says you are a piece of crap and not worth anything. This seems to be a redundant part of the parricide equation both pre- and post-event.
This is one of the places in recovery where Dan offers strong counter-medicine in his belief that parricide kids are not bad kids, just extremely wounded. And like all living beings—whether they be human, dog, cat or any other living thing with flesh and blood—when you believe someone or something thing has potential you help them achieve this potential simply by holding the faith for them that they can. Encouragement is one of the strongest medicines I have found on my path and it is something many do not seem to be good at.
Dan has been encouraging me from our first telephone conversation. The positive encouragement energy given from him and others is a big part of what has helped me move into being the productive ‘normal’ citizen I have evolved into. I say ‘normal’ because although I will never be the norm I have developed a normal life. I get up, go to work, make enough money to support myself without the help from others, pay my taxes, and when I have finished taking care of me I still have enough to help others out here and there—to me that is normal. Everyone has the potential to achieve this if they have the support and encouragement needed to get them started they can turn anything around.
So Hello Dan and Thank you for all you do—many would be even more lost without your kind patient beacon of hope that leads to a better place with encouragement and faith!
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Lone Heron has published a true story called Inherited Rage, which describes her upbringing in a severely abusive family. The book relates how she survived by killing both her parents as a teen, and how she has walked the long road to Redemption ever since then. She has transformed herself into a natural healer of extraordinary ability and insight, which she hopes to put to work at Estrella Vista.
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۞
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Pride Cometh Before A Falling
by Alex King
For so long, I said to those around me, “I am a prideful person. Very prideful.” I called this my greatest failing. Little did I know, this assessment was highly accurate. Recently, however, I learned just how true this was.
Pride is a very tricky thing. I was so full of myself that I thought I knew everything there was to know about pride and humility. It wasn’t until I got in the car with Lone Heron on my way to Texas that I realized just how full of myself I truly was.
Our conversation revealed to me many things. One of the biggest was that I had been very diligently, very assiduously “chasing my own ass” (to use her lovely terminology). Having come face-to-face with someone who’s been where I’ve been, and survived, forced me to finally face myself. What I saw was life-changing.
I saw my pride, that I must learn humility. I saw my fear, that I must learn to accept and face it. I saw my pain, that I must learn to heal.