Derek is away from the house, at his first day of work… so I’m going to do the most natural thing and talk behind his back. Nothing negative, mind you. I’m just savoring my first or second day alone in two weeks and feeling that I’m free to say whatever I please.
The first thing I want to say is it’s hard having someone around who is not only smart, but is always asking challenging questions. I can tell the guy has my best interests at heart, but that doesn’t necessarily make things any easier. Living alone, I have become accustomed to giving myself a “free pass” about some pretty fundamental questions.
For example, Derek asks questions like, “What do you want to accomplish by that post?” and “Who is your audience?”
The truth is, I often don’t know the answers to the questions he asks. I realize I’ve become fixated on daily traffic to the blog, taking comfort from your general approval of what I write… but what it is about you that leads to your approval I cannot say. I hate to say this, but Derek has exposed the ugly truth that I really don’t know who I’m writing to. “Everybody” isn’t a good answer.
Oh, I do know a handful of readers and supporters like Paul, Frank, Jeanne, Matt, Peter, Wolfgang, and Philippe, and I do feel I know them well. They have become my friends, mainly because they have reached out to me. But they’re a small minority of the 400-600 people who currently visit the blog each day. I don’t know for sure, but I think it would be a mistake to assume that everybody’s like them. They all share compassion in common, but beyond that, I am unaware of why they read the Diary.
Maybe I need to put out a general call for feedback that will help me to learn more about you… but I know that a lot of people on the Internet prefer to be anonymous. So here’s an idea.
Derek hates it when I write about “parricides” and refer to them as such. He says it sounds too much like “parasite,” and being independent is important to him. It is particularly stinging when he refers to me as a “zoo-keeper” or “collector.” I prefer to think that I’m specializing so as not to be overwhelmed by kids in trouble.
But let’s assume that Derek’s criticism of my use of the “parricide” label is getting at a legitimate concern. What should I be saying? Please tell me what you think and why.
93° and Partly Cloudy